Unpregnant Pause.

Last night, Mister and I were lazing about on the couch watching something that must not have been very interesting on television because my mind started wandering so badly that I started to think that it was a shame that Mister and I did not have a child together.

I've no idea where that came from except that I was laying on the couch and he was rubbing my feet like he does every night and I was feeling warm, tingly love and gratitude toward him which is exactly the kind of thing that starts the whole baby-making process, in case you didn't know.

So I said, out loud and quite out of nowhere to Mister, who was engrossed in whatever boring thing was on the television, that it was a shame that he and I did not have a child together.

Here was his reaction to that:

You see, Mister is very indulgent of me and my whims; he is the kind of guy who likes to give me what I want.  He's just very generous and after hearing the stories about some of his former paramours who took that aspect of him and ran with it as far as they possibly could...
and then ran some more...

lucky for him my needs are neither great nor expensive, 99% of the time. 

Still, his thoughts get all willy-nilly if he thinks he hears want or longing in my voice and his immediate instinct is to fix it and make it better.  See, although there are some lunatics women out there who still have babies when they're my age (46) and I could technically be one of them if I truly wanted to be, I truly don't want to be and Mister mostly knows this.  But he still gets nervous whenever I say anything about babies.  Which, by the way, is kind of fun to watch.  

Knowing that I cannot conceive of having a baby at this stage of the game (ha ha, I said conceive - no pun intended), it nonetheless leaves me feeling rather melancholy knowing that my baby-making days are behind me.  

And then I snap out of my temporary, more-than-likely-perimenopause-induced-psychosis and do a little dance and sing a little song:

Hooray!  My baby-making days are behind me!

I'm as happy as can be!

Because my time is my own and I am free!

A baby?
Can you imagine?
And then what?  I'd turn into a...Mommy Blogger!...and, not for nothing and no offense to anyone, but I think we've got an abundance of those already.
Babies are nice and all but then there's that whole raising them thing...been there, done that.
Plus I'm not big on rules and schedules and the only thing that would come out of the in relation to raising a kid is mayhem and reform school or juvie or whatever they call places like that now.
Also, (much to her relief) I was not the PTA type when my daughter was still in school and nothing about that has changed since (although I did bake amazing, artistic cupcakes for every possible event back in the days when cupcakes were still legal).

And I probably have a whole lot less patience now than I did back then which means I'd probably be a Joan Crawford kind of mom nowadays.

 Yes, there is no question that my baby-making days are firmly implanted where they belong now - behind me.

 Mister will be so relieved when he reads this.